No Excuse for Tolerating School Bullies

We had a recent incident of a family withdrawing their autistic son from a public Middle School due to constant taunting and bullying.

The problem with this is not just that a kid is bullied; it is that the weakest in the pecking order is chosen by the others to be picked on.  Usually there is a ring-leader. He is the bully.  It is like onto a "gang" mentality.  What one does the others must follow, in order to prove themselves or to "fit in."

This is animal kingdom behavior as well.  The weakest in the flock or the herd is singled out to be shunned; then another species moves in and removes the animal that has been left apart; kills it and eats it.  Tears it to pieces.

If you watch hidden camera videos of a group of boys (or girls...yes they do it too) as they laugh and playfully poke and push at each other, taunting one of their own to go over and "do something" to the kid that is different, is weaker, is of color, is gay, is of mixed blood, is deformed, has a disability, or whatever they have found to be "different" than they are, you would be sickened by the scene.  Most often these scenes play out in locker rooms in high schools, in restrooms of middle schools, or on the playground of elementary schools.

Teachers can't be everywhere.  There are too few parents who want to volunteer to be eyes and ears for no pay, too few students who have the courage to stand up to bullies and protest their behavior, too few with the courage to step in and protect the innocent.  They have all been bullied by the fear that they will be next.

Most schools know who the bullies are, but efforts to engage the parents in behavior modification mostly prove fruitless.  It's too bad that school administrators do not have the power to compel a parent to accompany their bullying son or daughter throughout the day or face expulsion.  Too often, a bullying child is the product of a bullying parent and a home environment where the bullying child is himself mistreated or ignored.  Since the parents are often the source of the problem, they should be forced to become part of the solution.

This would take a Judge and a Court to enforce. After expulsion, the bully could be sent to a camp for kids that are anti-social.  That's what bullying is: anti-social behavior.   A Boot camp for Bullys.  Bully Boot Camp.
Too bad the kids often come out of a boot camp even worse than when they went in.

When a school administrator hold a meeting for parents and teachers to discuss bullying and policies and possible remedies, there are usually many parents in attendance to demand action.  The parents with the bullying children are never there, are they?

I don't know what the solution is. Here, locally, at least one Middle School is contracting with the National Coalition Building Institute, a non-profit that specializes in reducing school violence, among other goals.


  1. My daughter had an incident today that wasn't necessarily bully behavior but bad behavior nonetheless. My daughter is in 1st grade and already the girls are far more interested in how they dress than how they act. Girls can be extremely mean but I thought that behavior didn't kick in until a few years later at least. My daughter was the recipient of mean behavior by someone she thought was a friend. I don't know the child but since my daughter and I were walking with another girl who has behaved the same way I took the opportunity to explain that girls are mean, it is better to ignore the bad behavior and make friends with nice girls and it is most important to always treat everyone as she would like to be treated by them. I don't know if it fell on deaf ears, the walk home isn't that long, but it's a start.

  2. My son is bullied a lot in school and the school administration blames him saying that he has a victim mentality or personality. He's just a shy kid. It burns me up.

  3. I can relate to this. I had a past post on my blog about some kids bullying my autistic son. It's so sad when others kids have to feel empowered to pick on someone who is disabled. If the school isn't doing anything to rectify the situation then I don't blame them for pulling their son out at all. It breaks my heart to hear when an autistic kids is bullied. I guess there was a reason I always had a soft spot for disabled people!

  4. Good post Doug! I really hate it, (and yes hate is a strong word) when the bully mentality is displayed in kids or adults for that matter.

  5. Another problem I see a lot of is that too many parents refuse to believe that their child could be at fault for anything. It used to be if you got in trouble in school or anywhere for that matter your parents were right there on the side of the teacher or principal, now parents back their kids and defend them instead of making them be accountable for their actions.

  6. Bullying steals the soul from a school and trains future leaders of industry and corporations. Send them to a special school where ALL the kids are bullies!

  7. the biggest problem with bullies is this the bullies parents will turn a blind eye and say that my child is not like that.I know I was one of a bullies targets until I had had enought and hit back,than that assholes parents came to my parents house say I beat their child up.

  8. We have our fair share of bullies in this country and half the time it's the parents that will never admit their children are bullies.


I would be very pleased if you leave a comment. I will read every one too!!!
Doug (Gruggers) in Missoula